A lot of people experience financial stress at this time of year. Our US friends call it “the holidays” to acknowledge a wide range of religious and other observances. In Australia the focus for many of us is Christmas, which, rather than being a spirit-based celebration of life has become synonymous with excess consumption.
We consume a lot which means we “have to” buy a lot. (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, please substitute an observance of your own where this is true.)
In surveys, many people say they will be spending less this year due to cost-of-living pressures, however in practice this is very hard to do, and a lot will end up with excess debt.
Why? It’s our emotional attachments. Or, in another word, our expectations.
That’s the real cause of much of our angst over Christmas and the holidays; our expectations, especially the expectation that everyone should play “happy families” at this time.
This goes hand in hand with expectations of big dinners and lots of gifts, all of which cost money. So, money is at the top of many people’s list of stress-inducers at this time of year.
To help, I’d like to share one of my most successful money-related stress release experiences in the hope that it will help you release your money stress too and perhaps prevent you from blowing the bank. Ok, I know I’m a bit late as some of the sales have already come but stick with me as I’m sure the urge to splurge isn’t over yet.
This experience combined my best tool for releasing emotional attachments linked to money, Intention Tapping, with one of my favourite money-making, money-saving tools, negotiation.
The experience in question was last year when I went to buy a new car.
I had an inner conflict going on about which was the best car to buy. My wife had bought a small-medium sized car a couple of years before and I really liked that smaller car. However, as a “man” I had been driving a bigger car. I had always driven big cars. Men drive big cars, didn’t you know?
So, I thought I would probably end up buying a big car. I even justified why. We might need the space to carry things, stuff like that. But mainly I now know from tapping on this that some of the biggest emotional hooks were how I thought it would look to others. Vanity.
However, I kept coming back to how nice it was driving that smaller car.
When we went to the car yard, I was still feeling internally conflicted. As it turns out, the two cars we were considering were sitting right next to each other in the lot!
Every time I looked at the smaller car I had a good feeling, but it was immediately overridden by my thoughts about “needing a bigger car”. So, I went and sat inside the big car. As I sat there with this inner conflict raging on, I started tapping on my finger points, out of sight of the salesman. Then, inside my head, I started to use IEP on my emotional attachments:
“I release all my emotional attachments to I am a man and therefore I need a big car.”
Immediately I felt a shift and inner clarity that I didn’t need to be imprisoned by such old-fashioned notions anymore.
Within seconds of using that intention statement I knew I was going to buy the smaller car. However, I wanted to be sure, so I considered my main “reasons” for “needing” a bigger car. Then, I progressively released my emotional attachments to them, from “practical” things like needing space to cart things (this is rarely an issue for us, and we could always borrow or hire a bigger car or trailer for that if needed), to vanity issues like needing to be seen to have a big car by others, in particular corporate clients (my inner clarity was that anyone who is so emotionally attached to such things doesn’t need to be my client – or could benefit from some Intention Tapping!).
The whole process was really quick – in all it probably took only around 2-3 minutes – and when I stepped out of that big car I felt totally free to explore the possibility of owning that smaller car.
We asked the salesman to let us take it for a drive and it felt right from the start. Just to be sure, while out driving I searched for any remaining emotional attachments that might get in the way of me happily owning this car, releasing them as they arose.
Well long story short, we bought that smaller car and it’s the car I drive today. I love it and I also love the freedom of not being trapped in old-fashioned notions of bigger is better or hooked on the need to buy status or prestige or acceptance of others based on the cost (or size) of my toys.
Because I love to negotiate, we got that car for a lot less than the rate being asked for, and later when I sold my old car, I also got more for it than the initial offers of the purchaser.
But here’s the main thing: My “inner negotiation” saved me much more!
By releasing my emotional attachments to that big car, I saved at least $15, 000 – $20, 000! And that’s just on the purchase price. The reduced running costs means I save every time I fill up. AND I know this car is way better for the environment than that other car would have been.
I didn’t have to talk myself into this, these are just the happy consequences of having released my emotional attachments to some old BS.
So, this is my best recommendation for dealing with financial stress this holiday season: Release your emotional attachments to having to or needing to or wanting to purchase those things.
Of course, with Christmas and the holidays, it is not just one big purchase like a car, it’s the little things that add up. Not just gifts but decorations. Cards. Food. Drinks. More food. More drinks. Spare gifts in case we forgot someone. Yet more food…
The key is to realise that a lot of little things can and usually do add up to a lot of stress too, so start tapping right away on ALL OF IT!
This is the great thing about Intention Tapping, you can work on the global, as in:
I release all my emotional attachments to EVERYTHING that’s stressing me about Christmas!
I release all my emotional attachments to ALL my money worries and projections.
Then be open to notice and follow wherever this leads and continue tapping and releasing on whatever other aspects emerge.
Let’s say you have the thought “We won’t have enough money”. You can simply insert that into an Intention Statement:
I release all my emotional attachments to the projection that we won’t have enough money.
Also do this on individual purchases, especially the ones that cause you stress. You might find, as we have, that often you don’t need to spend a lot of money to get a lot of value.
One Christmas when we were away, I fashioned a Christmas tree from a twig and a little bit of tin foil. Our kids still remember that as our best ever Christmas tree and it cost virtually nothing.
Be aware that you are probably emotionally attached to the idea of what you “should” do or “should” have, and its this that makes you lose sight of the more important stuff, or ways of reducing the costs. Our kids’ hand-made cards have always been more treasured than bought ones.
These issues don’t just apply to the financial side, they also apply to anywhere you are trying to meet your own and others’ expectations.
So, do LOTS of tapping on ALL of your “shoulds”, as well as your “should not” beliefs and expectations. It could quite literally save your Christmas if you release your emotional attachments to how your relatives or in-laws or your ex-, or others “should” behave or “should not” behave on the day.
Many of our should beliefs around important family events like Christmas lead us to feel guilt, so a whole lot of tapping on that guilt is also called for.
There’s a whole lot more about this in my wife Louise’s great article on how tapping on her Christmas guilt freed her to enjoy Christmas (which she previously hated), making the whole experience better for our whole family. Every. Year. Since.
Remember, when you release emotional attachments, you never lose anything that is real and good and true. All you stand to lose are your attachments to false values, other people’s values, or old notions that no longer serve you.
The biggest thing you stand to lose is your suffering. Having to make decisions based on guilt, or FOMO, that stuff is surely the biggest cost you could incur this holiday season.
The greatest gift is freedom from your own expectations, and the guilt of having to meet the expectations of others. This is a gift you can give yourself right now, by tapping and releasing those old emotional attachments. I encourage you to start now.
Then you can go ahead and buy what you need and do what you really want that fits with your values, and enjoy it all, without guilt.
And that is my wish for you and your family and loved ones at this time.
Warmly,
Steve
P.S.: If you’d really like to learn how to use Intention Tapping to release guilt, judgements, expectations, and a host of other negative emotions and belief challenges, come along to an Intention Tapping Online Workshop. There’s one coming up early in the New year. Find out more about it on this web page